wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
