Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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