He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
