Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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