how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
