you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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