Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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