She announced her abortion via fbk
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
