That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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