i may or may not be watching the land before time
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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