I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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