Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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