alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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