For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
