I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
