im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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