Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
