perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize