didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
