Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize