apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
