wrigley field is MILF paradise
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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