I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
