its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
