If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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