omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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