I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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