so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
