He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I AM VODKA MAN
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
