So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
