we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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