my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
