we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
