I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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