She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
