covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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