is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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