dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
