he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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