Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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