So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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