My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
