this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
