can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
