When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
