forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
