obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
