If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
