I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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