Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
