i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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