Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I wear drunk well.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
