yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
