Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Say something about gay babies.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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