Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
