no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
