Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I stole a fireplace last night.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
