god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
