Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
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