My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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