I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
