I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
