Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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