lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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