I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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