Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
