I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
the liver wants what the liver wants
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
