Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
