If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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