if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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