i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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