Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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