The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
