Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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