I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
