I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
