remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
