allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
