He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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