Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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