I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
