cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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