I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
cat food counts as protein by the way
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
