I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
