I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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