did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
