Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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