I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
