just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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