Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
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