Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
you inspire me to be a worse person
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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