Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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