If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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