respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize