Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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