come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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