Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
