Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
