anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
