Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
