Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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