This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
