I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
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