grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
