Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
