Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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