Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
