So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
