my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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