Just fell off a train. Bad.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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