We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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