Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My liver just had a heart attack.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
